


Collide

by didyousaygay



Series: My Personal Solar System [15]
Category: SB19 (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:40:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26304289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/didyousaygay/pseuds/didyousaygay
Summary: they fight for it because they know it's worth it
Relationships: Stellvester "Stell" Ajero/John Paulo Nase | Sejun
Series: My Personal Solar System [15]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1774648
Comments: 4
Kudos: 29





	Collide

**Author's Note:**

> fictional characters coming your way  
> proceed with caution

"Pwede ko po bang maging room mate si Stell?"

All heads turn to Sejun who remains unfazed after declaring his request. He continues his explanation, completely unbothered from all the curious gazes. "Matagal na kasi kaming hindi nagkakasama sa room, pwede po ba?"

Stell looks at him intently and commends him for maintaining that innocent poker face. He was already expecting Sejun to come up with something like this but the way he delivered it was impressive to say the least. He subtly reaches out to hold Sejun's hand covered by the extra long sleeves of his sweater and Sejun intertwines their fingers as they wait for their producer's expression to change gradually from surprise, amusement, deep thinking until she eventually comes up with an answer of _"Okay. Sure."_ with a decisive smile.

The couple yelped a gleeful Yes! upon hearing the approval and if Justin successfully captured the animated reaction on video, they were too ecstatic to care. Without releasing Stell's hand, Sejun pulls him towards the elevator with a cheeky smile, leaving the staff and the rest of their friends behind. 

Once they're inside the elevator, Sejun happily hums a tune that Stell hasn't heard before, it's catchy, a bit slow on tempo but it doesn't sound familiar and he just continues to stare at him keenly. Sejun glances, his dimples showing from how broadly he's smiling and asks. "Yes?! May sasabihin ka?"

He gives Sejun an eye roll, trying his best to hide a smile. "Oo na, impressed na." 

"Pero alam mo Tey.." His mood suddenly shifts from jolly to solemn. "sana ganon lang kadali yun noh? Kailangan ko lang pala magtanong."

He gives Sejun's hand a tight squeeze, at the same time bumping their shoulders gently. "Eh di i-try mo next time. _Pwede ko po bang maging boyfriend si Stell? Matagal ko na kasi syang mahal eh._ Malay mo baka sumagot si Miss Ally ng _Okay, sure._ "

"Sige mamaya after ng perf, mukhang swerte ako ngayon eh." Sejun's lighthearted mood is back, smiling adorably like a kid on weekend mornings.

The elevator door opens to their assigned floor with a high pitched ping. He releases Sejun's hand and walks ahead. "Anong room number natin?"

"9007." Sejun catches up, giving him a peck on the cheek and loops an arm around his waist. Not contented with their proximity, Sejun nuzzles closer to the back of his ear, giving him a light kiss and Stell immediately feels the blood rushing to parts of his body where it's not supposed to. 

"Pau, baka may makakita sa tin."

"Wala namang tao eh." Sejun kisses him on the side of his neck this time, lips lingering longer than it should, his warm breath leaving shivers on Stell's skin. "Ang bango talaga, kaya ang sarap mong i-hug eh." 

"Bakit ang harot mo ngayon, John Paulo?!" In all honesty, he loves this affectionate side of him but his poor heart won't make it if they don't reach room 9007 soon. The corridor suddenly feels like it's a long winding road leading to nowhere.

"Hmm, kunwari ayaw nya.." Sejun replies playfully with a smirk. 

"Ah eto, 9007 na!" 

"Yes! Eto na!" Sejun mimicks Stell's excitement with a grin. 

Sejun hurriedly swipes the key to their room but due to a highly probable case of twisted fate, the elevator door pings again and Stell unthinkingly looks back to see who it is. 

"Stell, Sejun!" Their manager followed by their cameraman walks to them in a hurry. "Buti nakahabol kami, let's shoot the vlog sa room, para di nyo na ulitin, konting B roll, then yung draw nyo para sa next challenge."

They look at each other, the silent agreement in their eyes validates everything that they already knew from the start. _Hindi talaga ganon kadali yun._

The heat from the spot lights intensify the humidity of the open air stage and by the time they finished their last song, Sejun can feel the shirt stick to his skin like glue from all the sweat. It's not something new but his exhaustion adds up to the miserable feeling. He loves to perform, with all his heart. He really does but it's justifiable to be tired, he's only human. He scans the backstage for Stell, knowing that the younger also does not fare well with the heat. 

He finds Stell sitting in one corner, wiping his sweat drenched face with a towel and he finally feels his 100% exhaustion slowly decrease to 75% just by seeing him. He's so cheesy when he's tired and sleepy, he laughs to himself, one of their staff throwing him a judging look but he doesn't care. 

"Stell!" 

Stell turns to the voice with a smile. It's Trixie Anos, one of the most sought after acoustic performers today and it's really understandable that Stell's eyes shine with excitement. The unreasonable side is that Sejun's miserable feeling is back. He's still a few meters away from them with Trixie beating him a few steps ahead, already dragging a plastic chair to sit beside his sweaty but definitely still smells good boyfriend. He wanted to stop mid track and re-arrange his thoughts that suddenly went all over the place but his body just instinctively walks towards Stell with frantic urgency. 

"Oh my gaaad, si Trixie ba yung kausap ni Stell?! Ang ganda sa personal!!" Ken suddenly grabs his arm, totally bewildered to see Stell with the famous singer. 

He throws him an icy glare and Ken immediately releases his arm with a sarcastic grin, raising his hands up exaggeratedly in surrender. "Bakit, may problema ka Suson?"

"Wala naman. Ako pa ba, Sejun?! Ikaw may problema ka ba?" Ken is obviously teasing him, playfully sharing the mini fan that he's using to blow some steam off Sejun's extremely annoyed face.

He tries to calm down, focusing his attention on the rotating plastic fan blade in front of him, ignoring Stell and his new found friend within his peripheral vision and Ken indulges him. "Oh di ba ang sarap ng hangin. Kaya dapat cool ka lang." Ken holds the mini fan in front of him patiently with a sympathetic smile.

"Salamat Ken." He looks down, staring at his shoes glumly because he's suddenly overwhelmed by the urge to cry for purely pathetic reasons and he can't wait to get rid of this petty version of himself, he needs a good shower to wash the unwanted thoughts away. "Salamat talaga."

"O sige na, kalma ka na di ba? Go get him." 

He finally looks up and smiles at Ken. "Kung araw araw ka bang ganyan eh. Bakit kasi mas madalas, sira ulo ka?"

"Mahirap pag masyadong seryoso, tingnan mo ikaw." 

"So tinulungan mo ko tapos lalaitin mo ko?"

"Nakatingin na si Stell dito, Sejun. Puntahan mo na."

And just like that, Ken swiftly disappears as quickly as he appeared. Stell is now looking at him with furrowed brows, Trixie with a smile and he wishes that Ken is still here to help him with.. with what? With anything. _Anong sabi mo Ken? Go get him?_ Easier said than done because his concept of 'go get him' at this point is to carry Stell bridal style and lock him away from the rest of the world. So yes, easier said than done.

He walks to them with heavy steps and the moment he's within reach, Stell touches Sejun's tummy and speaks in a cheerful tone. "May pa-abs tayo kanina Pa-- Sejun ah. Kaya pala nag t-shirt ka lang. Hindi naman ako na-inform."

He steps back because Stell's hand on his skin even indirectly because of his damp shirt felt like it's on fire, curse biology and chemistry. "May bago ka palang friend, hindi naman ako na-inform, pakilala mo naman ako." Why he replied with such a sarcastic tone, he can only blame himself. No one else.

"Hi Sejun." Trixie stands up with a warm smile and extends a hand. "I'm Trix. Nice to finally meet you."

He smiles in return, hoping that the smile he gave doesn't look forced because it sure felt like it and returns the gesture. "Hi, nice to meet you."

"Actually I was talking to Stell about doing a collab---"

"I know the intentions are noble but shouldn't you discuss that with our manager first?"

Stell's eyes widen, silently but strongly criticizing his brassy reply but he doesn't have a mini fan on his face now, so he's not calm and he doesn't recognize this version of himself anymore. Does he regret it? Maybe he will later on. 

If Trixie was surprised with his sudden attitude, it didn't show on her face and replies "Alam ko. Sobrang looking forward lang talaga ako na ma-meet si Stell. Pero you're right, Sej. Can I call you Sej?"

"Call him Sejun." Stell answers calmly. Sejun knows that tone and it sends him back to rational thinking.

It's either Trixie is an exceedingly good actress or just completely naive, she continues with the same enthusiasm. "Okay, ayaw ba nya ng Sej?" She turns to Stell with a grin and Stell responds with a tight lipped smile. "My manager is actually working on it, nakakita lang ako ng lucky break kaya I'm here. It was really nice meeting you in person Stell."

"Same here, Trixie." 

"Sejun, you'll be hearing from my manager soon if everything goes well. You really live up to your title, you're a good leader. I admire you."

"Pasensya na Miss Trixie if I was a too tactful.."

"No it's completely fine, Stell can pay up with a not so fancy dinner if you feel bad about it." She laughs heartily and they have no idea how to respond to that but Trixie made things easier by ending the awkwardness. "I have to go na, Stell okay lang ba hingin yung number mo? At least we get to know each other better para sa future project natin."

Okay, this time Sejun is certain that Trixie is a darn good actress. Very well played. 

Stell clearly looks conflicted with the request, he turns to Sejun asking for help or for permission, whatever that is, that's a discussion for later.

Sejun replies with a poker face. "Bigay mo na Stell."

"Ha?!" Stell retorts in complete shock.

"Pass me your phone, I'll key in his number."

"Sweet! Thank you Sej." Trixie passes her phone to Sejun excitedly.

Sejun can see the confused and questioning look on Stell's face as he slowly saves his number on her phone but he knows he's doing the right thing. This is not the time to be jealous or selfish, if this collaboration will help Stell's career, who is he to deny him of this opportunity? Best actress, flirtatious or just simply naive, the truth is working with her will be good for Stell's improvement as a singer and the fact that the she has set an interest on Stell can work to their advantage. Trixie Anos is on top of her game because she has the talent to work her way up. "Here. And nice to meet you Miss Trixie."

"You typed his number by heart, ang galing! Memorized mo lahat ng numbers ng mga ka-group mo? I admire you na talaga." Trixie checks her watch and bids goodbye. "I have to go na ha, nice meeting you both! Bye Stell!"

  
The walk back to their room was spent in complete silence, they stand on opposite ends of the elevator as it goes up to their floor. Just this morning, they were on this exact spot with a completely contrasting mood and the elevator's painfully slow ascent just heightens the unspoken tension between them. 

Once they're inside the room, Stell is still conflicted about what happened and he doesn't know how to bring the topic up without causing Sejun to be in a sour mood. They still have to go out for dinner with everyone and they need to settle this issue before that because as troublesome as it is, they are downright obvious when they are fighting, their friends will notice and that is not a pleasant situation to deal with. He absentmindedly trips over Sejun's backpack that was carelessly thrown on the floor but Sejun was behind him, quick enough to grab his waist, keeping him upright. 

Sejun wraps him in a hug. "Tey.."

He reaches behind to touch Sejun's face and Sejun leans to his touch, giving a wet kiss on his palm with a contented sigh. "Pau.."

Sejun nuzzles close to his neck and asks. "Galit ka ba?" 

"Naguguluhan lang."

"Alin ang magulo?"

"Bakit mo binigay yung number ko?"

"Makakabuti sa career mo, so why not."

"Kelan pa kita naging manager Pau?"

Sejun lets him go and walks to the bed, combing his hair with one hand, carefully choosing the next words that he will say. "Bago naging tayo, we have dreams as a group and we have our personal goals Tey."

"Hindi mo naman sinagot yung tanong ko."

"Anong gusto mo sanang ginawa ko sa harap nya kanina, say no?!"

Sejun sits on the bed, clearly irritated and as much as he can, Stell wants to avoid a confrontation when Sejun is in this mood but maybe this is bound to happen one way or another.

"Pau, basta mo lang binigay, hindi mo man lang ako hinayaan magdecide?"

"Para sa career mo yun Tey, kaya ginawa ko, kahit ayaw ko."

"Eh di lumabas din yung totoo."

"Wala naman akong tinatago sa'yo. Anong gusto mo, bakuran kita sa lahat ng taong gustong lumapit?"

"Mas importante ba talaga yung career? Hindi ka pa ba contented sa kung anong meron yung group natin?"

"This is not about me, ayaw mo bang mag-improve as an artist?"

"Bakit, kulang pa ba ko as an artist Pau?"

"Tey, don't decide based on your emotions alone. Think of the bigger picture."

"Ganito talaga ko eh, hindi kasi ako tulad mo na critical thinker, mali ba yun para sa'yo?"

"Nagseselos ako pero mas pinili kong isipin yung career mo, anong malabo dun?!"

"Yun na nga eh, manager ba kita? Boyfriend kita Pau, so act like one!"

"Eto na nga ba yung iniiwasan kong mangyari eh!! Yung conflict between personal life and trabaho natin!"

"Ah, so ngayon pinagsisisihan mo na kasi complicated na. Sabagay, ang tagal mo nga akong tiniis para sa career natin di ba, sobrang kulit ko lang kasi kaya nandito na tayo ngayon. Sorry ha!"

"Sa tingin mo I'm not working hard enough for this relationship, yun ba Tey?!"

"Mahal ko yung group natin at gusto ko mag succeed, pero di ba pwedeng kahit minsan maramdaman ko na mas mahalaga yung relationship natin kesa sa career? Hindi naman palagi, pero sana kahit minsan lang Pau!"

"That's honestly hurtful Stell. Let's stop this, bago ka pa may masabing mas nakakasakit." Sejun stands up, walking to the door with face close to tears but Stell knows even if he tries to stop him from leaving, it will be pointless to do so. They need to think things through before they say more wounding words and regret it. Everything started with a simple phone number and now they ended up hurting each other.

"San ka pupunta?"

"Ewan ko. Kailangan ko lang ng space."

"Magdala ka ng phone, please Pau."

Sejun complies and kisses Stell's forehead with a pained expression. Their hearts breaking, it's almost physically painful as Sejun leaves quietly in tears.

"So, are you still telling me that this is not about a girl Paulo?" Andrew gulps the beer from his mug, finishing the contents with a satisfied smile. "Ready ka na bang magkwento?"

He stares at Andrew with plain disgust. "Congratulations, few steps away ka na lang from liver cirrhosis." Stell will kill him. Ah no, Stell won't kill him but Stell will kick him out of their bed and out of their room if he finds out he's with Andrew. Well, no, Stell is much more understanding than that. But Stell will be so mad at him, he regrets it now but he's far away from home and Andrew is a good friend who conveniently happens to be around and he mentally laughs at his futile attempts in reasoning because Stell will be mad, regardless. 

"Maybe. But enough about me. Ano? Kwento na."

He looks around the bar slash restaurant that is lit with yellowish hues of incandescent bulbs, the walls adorned by neon signs and paintings of bands prevalent from 1970's to 80's, giving it a retrospective atmosphere. There is a small stage in front and according to Andrew, the next set will start in half an hour. The place is packed, mostly with young adults in groups considering it's a Saturday night but they were lucky enough to book a seat in the far corner, hiding them from the crowd.

"Wala naman akong ikukwento." He takes a sip from his orange juice and Andrew looks at him in comparable disgust with his choice of beverage. "Papahangin lang."

"Have it your way. I'm ready to listen pag ready ka nang magsalita." Andrew calls for another round of beer and he's not done throwing shade on Sejun's orange juice as he leers at it with sympathy.

"Paano kung hindi talaga 'to about a girl..."

Andrew nods at him to go on and he can feel the sincerity that he believes him this time.

"Paano kung hindi ko kayang sabihin kasi hindi ko dapat sabihin pero gustong gusto kong sabihin?"

"Eh di makikinig ako pagkatapos, magkaka amnesia ako."

"O kaya ipapa-abduct na lang kita sa aliens para wala nang evidence."

"Pau, kung mahirap talagang sabihin para sa'yo, it's okay. I don't want you on a spot na mahihirapan ka. Tska takot ako sa aliens."

He takes Andrew's mug from across the table and chugs the beer in one go. The alcohol despite being cold, burns down his throat and unfortunately, it's a good kind of burn. He slowly sets the empty mug down with an iron clad resolve. "I'm in a relationship with Stell."

Stell stares at the pristine white glossy paint finish of the ceiling as he tries to think of something else that is not about Sejun. They just came back from dinner and he was expecting him to be back by this time. He was left to his own disappointment when he opened an empty room and he just hates the feeling of being abandoned. And he's getting a tad too dramatic, drowning himself in regret for all the harsh things that he said. He feels the tears threatening to come out so he grabs the nearest pillow to cover his face, trying to control the unruly emotions.

Something was thrown at him and this time, it really hurts. He sits up with an annoyed glare. "Nasasanay na kayong binabato ako! Anong drama nyo ha?"

Josh who is clearly unaffected replies in monotone. "Di ba sa kabila yung kwarto mo? Anong ginagawa mo dito ha?"

"Gusto ko dito, bakit ba." He answers with a frown and Ken snorts on the side. "Isa ka pa Felip Jhon." He throws a pillow at Ken who further annoys him with a snicker.

"Stell, mag log ka sa SNS, may mga nag tag sa'yo." 

"Ayokong mag social media Jah." He takes the pillow back from Ken and lies down, facing his back on the pesky trio.

"Sige na, check mo lang, pag pakiramdam mo nasayang yung oras mo, sisiguraduhin kong hindi ka na aasarin ni Ken at Josh hanggang hindi kayo nagkakabati ni Sejun."

He faces Justin, preparing himself for a lengthy argument to divert his frustrations. "Sino namang may sabing--" Josh throws a bedroom slipper at him without any remorse.

"Naku, kami pa ba uutuin mo Stell!"

Justin uses the puppy dog eyes and of course, he can't turn him down when he's looking so concerned for him. He grudgingly takes the phone from the bedside table, still having second thoughts about going online. The moment he connects, notifications pop up and majority of the tags came from a few number of fans turned to good friends who supported them since debut.

  
Alyzzuh @dontatme . 2h  
You can't hide from us John Paulo.

[a video excerpt of a dimly lit stage, a guy wearing a baseball cap and a plain black shirt, playing guitar. His face concealed due to the contrast lighting]

happypill @happypill1  
Replying to @Alyzzuh  
Yes, no one knew it was him until he looked up after the song and everyone screamed. I wish I was there.

  
yuna @yoona . 2h  
Kaya pala wala siya sa dinner kanina. Wag ka na sad.  
[GIF of Sejun smiling on stage, passing the guitar back to the person shooting the video]

Reposted from @blueyelish  
@kirarin77 Here's the full video. ctto.

A guy wearing a baseball cap with his head down walks in on stage holding a guitar. He sits on the stool, keeping his head low, his face cannot be seen clearly due to the dim stage lights and starts to tune the guitar to his liking. After a few tweaks, he speaks through the mic. 

"Para sa'yo."

> Hindi mo maiisip  
> Hindi mo makikita  
> Mga pangarap ko  
> Para sa'yo, para sa'yo
> 
> Ohh, hindi ko maisip  
> Kung wala ka  
> Ohh, sa buhay ko

@FionaApl  
Replying to @kirarin77  
He always sings with his heart but the emotions on this. Wow.

@Sunshineonyou  
Replying to @kirarin77  
to the person whom Sejun dedicated this, if you are not bawling your eyes out now, you're cold.

@lauramae  
Replying to @Sunshineonyou  
Dedicated to who? That's the million dollar question.

  
Sejun comes back past midnight, face flushed but completely sober and Stell has been waiting for him patiently, sitting in one of the lounge chairs facing the door. Sejun walks to him slowly, dropping his cap in one of the end tables near the entry way, gauging if he's allowed to come near him and Stell extends a hand. Sejun takes it, clasping his hand tightly, his eyes not straying away from Stell, holding on to an unwarranted fear at the back of his mind that he might disappear if he turns away even just for a second. 

Stell stands up to face Sejun with a faint smile. "Di naman ako mawawala. Nandito ko sa harap mo oh." Stell runs his fingers through Sejun's hair, brushing the stray locks away from his face with a soft smile. Sejun instinctively leans in to Stell's touch and smiles in return.

"Talaga?"

"I'm sorry for hurting you Paulo."

"Nahihirapan ka na ba sa'kin? Sa'tin? Hindi mo naman kasi sasabihin yun kung hindi totoo."

"Hindi ako magla-lie sa'yo, pero hindi rin ako basta basta susuko kahit mahirap. Ikaw lang ang naging karelasyon ko ng ganito, hindi ko rin alam kung paano ba gagawin ng tama. Pero kaya natin 'to di ba?"

Sejun nods and leans in, giving Stell a chaste kiss on the lips. "Oo naman. Sobrang mahal kita Tey. Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko pag iniwan mo ko."

"Mahal na mahal din kita Pau."

> Sundan mo  
> Ang paghimig na lulan na aking pinagtatanto  
> Sundan mo  
> Ang paghimig ko
> 
> Ohh, hindi ko maisip  
> Kung wala ka  
> Ohh, sa buhay ko


End file.
